It’s been a tough blog entry for me to write this time around. This story is primarily about my Oma (grandmother in German). It’s been difficult for me to finish because every time I start I get ultra emotional and find it difficult to formulate into words how amazing and special she was to me. I want this post to be as close to perfect that I can get it, she was and is worth every word.

This is Margaretha Heck, my Oma, or Omi as I called her from the time I could speak. She died suddenly, in November of 2012; It was the single hardest day of my life. This -oh so- strong, brilliant, eloquent, kind, caring and wonderful woman basically raised me from the time I was a baby until I was fourteen years old while both of my parents worked. I learned so much from her and idolized her in a way that I cannot explain. She is my heart, and always will be. I miss her terribly. Just writing this and remembering her face, her laugh, her voice….

It was very painful for me for a long time because I never really got to say goodbye. I didn’t get to say goodbye to the most important person in my life and I lost my heart that day, in more ways than one.

I decided the day she died, or very very soon after, that I wanted to do something for her that she always talked about doing but always made excuses why she shouldn’t, she was pretty stubborn like that. I was a little late but, I took her home, one last time. I wish she could have been alive to see it. I hope she still did, in some way.

I knew during this trip I had to go to Germany to accomplish what I set out to do. It ended up being our last stop before heading back home (thank you Cecile for agreeing to go there, it meant a lot to me).

I enlisted the help of my dad for driving directions from Frankfurt to Bühlerzell and he decided to print off about twenty maps, all section by section, complete with his red marker notes. Thanks dad!

Bühlerzell is a town of approximately fifteen hundred people. This was where Omi was born and grew up. Her father was the principal of the school, which also doubled as their home. This home is now city hall, so it made it easy to find, along with dad’s maps.

My plan was for her as much as it was for me. I wanted to spread her ashes at the place she was born in order to fulfill my promise to myself of taking her home and in the process getting to say goodbye how I wanted and needed to. I originally did not plan on visiting her oldest friend from childhood, Tilly, as well as the extended family that that brought with it. I did change my mind however, as I realized that they never got to say goodbye either and for me to be selfish and only think of myself in this situation would have been exactly what Omi would have given me shit for. So, thinking of her and what she would want, I buried half of the ashes in the flower gardens at city hall (it just so happened that the flowers were her favorite ones) and took the container with the other half and ventured a block and half down the road to Tilly’s house.

I knocked on the door and the look of surprise on Tilly’s face was great. However it was because my dad told them I was going to be coming the day before I actually got there. They had invited the entire family over and everyone was gathered there to see us and we didn’t show (Thanks again, Dad :P).

See, the issue is that I do not speak German very well. I understand it and can listen but I cannot communicate back which is why having the family there the day before was important, as some can speak English. So what did Tilly do now that we were a day late? She called her grandchildren to come by as translators instead. The day went by swimmingly. A few hiccups in communication but an overall great experience. So with the day winding to a close, I presented her with the container with the last half of Omi’s ashes. Things got emotional and we shared a moment that will forever be ingrained in my head. She looked at me with teary eyes and thanked me many times. I saw it then, the same thing I felt when I buried her at the flowers. A small sense of closure, and while sad, a small happiness that she now gets to say goodbye as well.

I’ve been told since coming back home that when Tilly dies then Omi’s ashes will be buried in the coffin with her so that they can remain best friends, together in the afterlife. I found this especially heartwarming and thoughtful. Tilly gets to do what she needs to do for herself and for Omi as much as I did and I am glad that I changed my mind about going there. It was necessary and the right thing to do.

Since getting back to Winnipeg, the piece of my heart is still missing, but the rest of my heart is getting stronger and picking up the slack. I don’t know if I even want the piece back fully because I don’t want to forget. I want to always be able to remember her face and mannerisms from memory instead of pictures. This lets me do that.

Rest in Peace Omi, I’m glad we got to say goodbye. I will always miss you, love you and cherish you for the the person you were. I want to thank you for helping me so much and influencing me in all the ways you did to make me the person I am today.

Ok, well, that’s the end of Europe. I still have work to do, a recap blog, pictures to post and a couple of other goodies to deal with.

I’m thinking about going to Thailand for three weeks, pretty soon actually, perhaps within the next month or so. More on that later.

I wanted to thank all the people that took the time to read my story so far and to those that have followed me along the way. I will continue to put out content as quickly as I can.